Surrender To What Is

Force vs. Strength: Accepting What Is

Force vs. strength. What a journey, right? I find myself coming back to this distinction again and again, like a song that plays in the background of life, reminding me to soften when I start to push too hard. I forget sometimes, caught up in the need to control, to resist, to make life bend to my will. But life, ever patient, always reminds me: swimming with the current is infinitely easier than fighting against it.

This goes beyond mere metaphor–in 2017, my life flashed before my eyes when a riptide pulled me off the southcentral coast of Costa Rica. It was my first time meeting a riptide and I did not know the protocol. If you’ve ever been in this situation, you know what I’m talking about. The natural reaction is panic, right? You see the shore, and all you want is to get there. So you fight. You kick and claw your way forward with everything you’ve got. But the riptide doesn’t abide. It won’t yield to your force. In fact, the more you fight, the further a riptide pulls you out.

The way out? Surrender. You have to stop resisting and let the current carry you. Swim parallel to the shore, not toward it, and trust the ocean to guide you back to safety. It feels counterintuitive at first—like you’re giving up—but that surrender is where the magic happens. I learned this the hard way. Exhausted by counterproductive efforts, the last thing I remember before I was miraculously dragged to shore was surrendering my life to the ocean. 

So often, we resist reality. We try to force things to happen the way we think they should. We think we know what is best for other people, and hold them to that standard to everyone’s detriment. We cling to plans, expectations, and desires, even when they pull us farther from our intended destination. 

Here’s the thing: life doesn’t stop being life just because we’re uncomfortable. Reality doesn’t bend to our resistance. Instead, it seems to double down. The harder we push, the more we feel that tension pulling us further and further from shore. Perhaps that is a lesson we need to experience, though. I’ll forever revere that fateful day in Costa Rica. Seven years have passed, yet the experience continuously reorients me to surrender.

And let me be clear: surrender isn’t about giving up or being passive. Surrender is an act of strength, not weakness. It’s about having the courage to say, This is what’s happening. This is what is real right now. And I’m going to meet it as it is, not as I wish it were.

Accepting reality doesn’t mean we have to love every thing about it. It’s okay to feel disappointed, sad, or frustrated when life doesn’t go our way. These feelings are a part of what is. Accept them. Feel them.

Acceptance creates space for healing. It allows us to meet life where it is with an open palm instead of a white-knuckled fist. Flow, acceptance, surrender–these states liberate us when we’re stuck in the story of how things should be.

Sometimes, the reminders to surrender are gentle: a quiet nudge to let go of control or trust the timing of something uncertain. Other times, they’re not so gentle—a riptide, a loss, a crisis that forces us to stop and reevaluate. Either way, I believe these reminders are life’s way of inviting us back to the flow.

At the end of the day, reality just is what it is, baby. We can fight it or we can trust it, but the river keeps flowing either way. 

Here’s to the reminders–may they be merciful. Here’s to surrendering when it feels impossible–may we be granted safe passage back to shore.